Once during a workshop I was asked if there was anyone I needed to forgive. I quickly scanned through my mental rolodex (contact file for those younger than 50), and I struggled to identify a single person or even a group. I wondered at the time if I had been living in a bubble that was much like utopia. But then I realized that in all of my life situations that had come and gone, painful or regrettable relics of the past, I most often needed to forgive myself. I needed to acknowledge my core goodness – an essential goodness at the center of all that exists in our universe. I needed to be OK with the gullible, desperate and irresponsible moments in my past when I searched for love and recognition. I needed to do what Maya Angelou suggests, “When you know better, you do better.” The feeling of being “right” at the time outweighed the dangers of vulnerability, insecurity and depression. I used unsound principles to guide my decisions. Yet each decision crafted my world as I live it now.
By the time the question of forgiveness was posed during the workshop, I knew better. I knew that external events, what I perceive as my reality, is a world I have created. I acknowledge that everyone is creating their own reality and acting on the basis of what they themselves have created. They too see the external reality as something done to them, or something keeping them from having what they want.
The external reality is not looking for forgiveness. We are. And who are we in this search? We are spiritual beings creating this life experience. Our inner divinity is a small voice in the wilderness of our “creations” craving awareness. When I say “Namaste” I am acknowledging the divine within myself and within each person in my life. When we forgive ourselves, we voice that respect. We know better.

When the world we have co-created seems chaotic, unfair and fearful, we have a choice. We can live out the anxieties and even embellish them, or we can get busy creating a different reality for ourselves. What we’ve set in motion often has to make its mark on our lives, but even as the pain intensifies, if we release our grip on suffering we can begin to turn our lives toward a less fearful path. Recently, a Florida jury brought into bold relief what we humans can create out of fear and a belief in our separateness. The more we see ourselves as separate, competing parts of this universe, the more we act out our perceived differences. Rumi once wrote,” Out beyond wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Our perceptions of right doing and wrongdoing keep us separated and fearful. We desperately seek ways to feel love, to feel special in some way. We create an “other” that hopefully will set us apart as better and therefore more lovable. Other-ness is an illusion that burdens us with continual efforts to prove our worth and significance. At the core of our being is all the love we need. There is a field where Spirit breathes, where love erases the boundaries we have wrapped ourselves inside of. We are free when we stay in the present moment of peace, and know that we are spiritual beings, ONE POWER bathed in the love of All-That-Is.

Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. -Buddha

Can we really talk our way to peace? I believe that peace talks in the international sense are really negotiation sessions, where leaders weigh their options and resources, and then decide what will be the best deal. The words in negotiation are “how much?”
In relationships between friends, family or lovers peace emerges when there is compassion for hurts, kindness during periods of struggle or challenges, and forgiveness for imagined slights or indiscretions. The words are usually “I understand, I support you, or I forgive you.”
One word that flows through all the peaceful overtures is “love.”
Beyond all attempts to articulate peace through negotiation, support or forgiveness of another person or group is the powerful energy of love. Expressed in individuals who one by one create a peaceful reality, the universal energy of love exists at the core of our being. When we listen to others, the beauty of peace rushes into our awareness and transforms our view of others. We then realize that we are all good to the core. We recognize love’s unspoken power.

Criticism is an immense gift for those who are interested in self-realization. – Byron Katie

Sometimes it’s so hard to admit it but when someone criticizes me, there is often something worthwhile that I can make friends with if I look into the mirror closely. After some moments of reflection, I will often say, “Well, yes, that’s me.” The more I avoid recognizing myself as happily imperfect, the more I sulk about the person who affronted me. Thank goodness I have had challenges in life, and sometimes made poor choices. How else would I know that life is good and all situations are temporary? How would I know that all things that come and go are not really me anyway? How would I be OK with where I’ve been, and realize that “now” is the only thing that matters? Fall in love with what you call your faults. When you do, they lose their power over your present joy!

Learning to Fail

I’m learning a shaolin tai chi practice that includes qi gong exercises, Kung Fu, yoga and movement of energy throughout my body for greater flexibility and health. The operative word here is “learning.” I practiced another form of tai chi about 15 years ago, but now it seems as if I never learned a thing. Glimpses of my former teaching arise in my memory, now and then, but most of the time I am a novice. Learning as a novice requires a kind of humility that is both frustrating and rewarding. The humility obviously emerges when I keep making mistakes, forget what I was just told, forget the sequence of moves, or just feel silly. The reward of this humility comes from letting go of fear and “how I look to others.” Performance is a show for others, literally! When I let go of my need for perfect performance, I experience compassion. I remember that the journey of a learner is rocky but a teacher will appear, a guide along the way, who knows what to avoid and what to cherish. The teacher or sifu helps me to embrace constructive dependency. I no longer need to know everything, but I am confident that I know something. I am learning to integrate the moves into my being, slowly, allowing myself to trip a few times along the road. When I am present in the moment, my breath moves me flowing into the next movement of chi. But, when I am more interested in what others in the class may think of my slow progress, I am unkind to myself. Compassion for others in similar situations is impossible unless I face and appreciate my own challenges. When I learn to fail I free up a space in my heart to accept myself. I become more than what I can do, and rest in the comfort of being who I am.