Once during a workshop I was asked if there was anyone I needed to forgive. I quickly scanned through my mental rolodex (contact file for those younger than 50), and I struggled to identify a single person or even a group. I wondered at the time if I had been living in a bubble that was much like utopia. But then I realized that in all of my life situations that had come and gone, painful or regrettable relics of the past, I most often needed to forgive myself. I needed to acknowledge my core goodness – an essential goodness at the center of all that exists in our universe. I needed to be OK with the gullible, desperate and irresponsible moments in my past when I searched for love and recognition. I needed to do what Maya Angelou suggests, “When you know better, you do better.” The feeling of being “right” at the time outweighed the dangers of vulnerability, insecurity and depression. I used unsound principles to guide my decisions. Yet each decision crafted my world as I live it now.
By the time the question of forgiveness was posed during the workshop, I knew better. I knew that external events, what I perceive as my reality, is a world I have created. I acknowledge that everyone is creating their own reality and acting on the basis of what they themselves have created. They too see the external reality as something done to them, or something keeping them from having what they want.
The external reality is not looking for forgiveness. We are. And who are we in this search? We are spiritual beings creating this life experience. Our inner divinity is a small voice in the wilderness of our “creations” craving awareness. When I say “Namaste” I am acknowledging the divine within myself and within each person in my life. When we forgive ourselves, we voice that respect. We know better.
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nine principles for joy 
This is well stated; you have just helped my life in a measurable way. I too will forgive myself for the times I have been gullible, loved-starved, and felt desperate.
We must celebrate our life as it is now. Like a tapestry, all that has gone before has contributed to who we are now.
It’s funny…I have had to forgive myself for being critical of myself for not becoming the person I expected to be. I expected to do this and not that by now, or achieve certain goals or be with a certain type of person; and I beat myself up for it. But I realized it was an arbitrary reality I created, in actuality, I failed no one. After forgiving myself for holding myself to this arbitrary reality, I realized that, in the future, I can avoid needing to forgive myself or others by not creating a reality based on an arbitrary expectation.
I agree that we create our own realities and expectation is linked to how that external reality is shaped. I think expectation is, in some ways, linked to why we end up needing to forgiving ourselves or others. Many of us carry expectations of ourselves, people or situations and when those expectations aren’t met we feel disappointment, frustration, sadness or even anger; and, in turn, we find ourselves in a situation where we need to forgive someone, really because of our own expectation of how things should have turned out or how we should have been treated.
If you live and love yourself for who you are today, not who you were supposed to be, you won’t ever be in a position of reflection that requires deep self forgiveness. If you don’t feel like someone “did you wrong”, then you won’t be in the position to have to forgive them.
Namaste
Expectations can be damaging to our sense of self and our belief in our worthiness. Expectations point to an end point, but life continually expands, and the journey is so much more enjoyable than the end point. If we focus too much on expectations, we miss the fun along the way. Also, who you are today is a spirit with a human experience. Love who you are.