Charlotte Joko Beck wrote a provocative essay about relationships entitled, “Relationships Don’t Work.” This is not good news for all of us seeking, building, and appreciating relationships. If we peel away the top layer of that pronouncement from Beck, we begin to understand that relationships are almost always heavily-laden with expectations. We relate to people because we want something from them. We have expectations that somehow we will know happiness if we have a “successful” relationship. But there’s no way that seeing people as separate from us can result in a satisfying relationship. Our expectations get in the way. What we regard as relationships become negotiated partnerships for something. Some people think relationships require work- working to be happy and loved. There is no work to do. Being in a relationship means recognizing what Rumi so artfully states, ” Lovers don’t find one another, they are in each other all along.” When we are kind in our relationship with ourselves, our kindness in the world has no expectations. When we love, there are no expectations of a reward or a fulfillment of some need. We simply love because that’s who we are! Spirit is alive in us, asking for nothing, except an opportunity to express love in the present moment. We can be that love: wanting nothing, experiencing the oneness of life, seeking nothing, being whole in the present breath of life. Only then will we be the love we came to this life to experience.
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nine principles for joy 
Yes!!! Beautifully stated. Authentic love requires no chains, knows no bounds and frees us to fully experience & express the very nature of who are. Love works. And, relationships can to, when they are rooted in authentic love.
Authentic love is always here now in the present moment. Attachments to the past or anxieties about the future rob us of the love available to us.
Nice post. Sounds good, unless you’re in an unhealthy relationship. It’s easier to ponder the philosophical dimensions of a relationship when you’re not in one. But once you cast your lot, and the one you picked turns out to be a poor choice, God help you. It becomes about survival.
Being alone with your true self is the ultimate prize. We may experience pain, but suffering is “bearing under,” like a burden, the conditions that present themselves in our life. In the stillness of meditation or prayer, peace and being with your true self, is possible.
This is a beautiful post. When I do things for others in my life I try to remember this is what I am giving of myself because I want to, I am sending this out without expectation of any return. To be alone, still with yourself and to feel loved by yourself is one of the great challenges. It is hard to find yourself doing things to make other people happy in hopes of feeling loved by them, especially when they already love you. If you do not feel people’s true love for you it is seldom because it is not there, more likely it is because you do not love yourself enough to feel it.
Your insights are beautifully expressed. Spirit’s love for you is a given, because you are love itself. The challenge is to love the idea of yourself that you have created.