What exactly does it mean to be in a compatible relationship? It’s so much more than liking the same things, or having similar goals. We think we are engaged in a delicate dance, but as I stated in my book, African Zen, ” …we are learning our own dance and stumbling along, sometimes allowing our fears to get us out of step.” (p.257) Our active imaginations can threaten our experience of joy, because we believe the untrue stories we have created. Challenging conditions may appear in our relationships: lack of integrity, impatience, physical and emotional rejection or violence, mental battery, etc. Many well-meaning friends will encourage us to dismiss the power of these challenges and simply focus on a meaningful response to them. The response gives more attention to those challenges. Each of the challenges we face is laced with fear. We fear not being loved, being shamed, being hurt, and being abandoned. Ultimately, we fear death or the end of our existence in this life. We want to be loved, respected, safe, and accepted for as long as we live. We want to live fully, not just survive. We do not realize that all that we want is already a reality. Love is possible without all the judgments and unsolicited opinions about how to improve our appearance or worth. We are already worthy. We are already enough. We must know that we already have all we need. We are whole and capable, loved beyond imagination.
What Marianne Williamson so wonderfully calls “enchanted love” is a state constructed in the mind that moves us lovingly toward others. So often, as enchanting as it is, this love is rarely enough. The ego, an idea of the mind, keeps us in a perpetual state of wanting more, and as a result, we see life as a problem to solve, and relationships as a difficult dance of winning and losing. A compatible relationship is one where there is an awareness that everything we want is already available to us. We must settle into that awareness as spiritual beings, not just enchanted ones. Enchantment is not real, but a figment of our imagination. Enchantment is temporary, much like the fairy tales of our childhood. And yet, enchanted love is also the opportunity to express the love that we are, not only with one person but as the one Spirit in the universe. Enchanted love is an invitation to cherish life, to be grateful for the experience of loving spirit, and to express compassion. As Williamson states, ” An enchanted love is holy ground where the meanness and assaults of the world are not escaped so much as transformed by the power of love and forgiveness.”(p.209, Enchanted Love) Compatible relationships settle into the holiness of existence, bask in the warm waves of love and cherish the present moment.