Some of you may have given up on finding joy every day; it just seems unrealistic. With so may things going on in your life, joy is the last thing you think will happen to you.

I believe that when you find out who you really are, you find joy in every moment. In spite of my beliefs about the true self, the biggest challenge I face is worrying. When I forget who I am, I begin to worry, and soon I start throwing myself into the future. A series of “what-if’s” start invading my mind, and before I know it, I’ve completely forgotten about the present moment, where everything is just fine. I tell myself that worrying doesn’t change a thing: if I worry nothing changes, and if I don’t worry nothing changes, so worrying is useless. This rational thinking doesn’t seem to have an affect on how I feel.

When I stop for a moment, I come back to myself, and become aware of the futility of worry, but also how unnatural it feels. I remember that not worrying feels good. I also experience a calmness and sense of peace. I begin to notice what’s right in the world, not in a pollyanna kind of way of looking. I honestly notice what is happening that feels good. I become grateful for all the small things I miss when I get stressed. I start to reach out to friends to show them how much I appreciate them. In a brief moment of peace, I become energized, and begin to take some action that feels good: listening to music, writing, calling a friend, dancing, practicing qi gong.

What’s important here is that I don’t try to make myself feel better, I just feel better. I don’t try to think good thoughts; I just watch my thoughts come and go. I don’t try to be loving; I just become aware that I am love and then let it flow freely from me. I don’t imagine that all my challenges will disappear; I appreciate where I am now. Yes, I “breathe in the pain,” because Love is strong, and then I know that I can survive it, because like the exhale of my breath, whatever is not in alignment with who I am will soon fall away.

I was wondering, how do you open the door to joy when you begin to worry?

Sometimes we face loss and challenges and disengage from the usual activities in life; we intend to resume those activities when we feel better, but the disconnection gets longer and longer. The problem with the plan is that the conditions always change, even though we may continue to cling to them.
Almost 19 months ago, my daughter passed away. Six weeks before that devastating event, my sister in NJ passed away. Nine months before my sister in NJ passed away, my oldest sister passed away in SC. My body could not keep up with my feelings and thoughts. I retreated from the misalignment and grief; I disappeared into my writing, making brief appearances with friends.
After a few months, I yielded triumphantly to another loss, my hair, and shaved my head completely. My baldness became an unveiling, not a capitulation to the effects of alopecia. I celebrated my true self, regardless of my appearance, but the healing was not complete.
My painful thoughts turned into stress, and my body responded with ailments and perplexing aches that doctors tried to diagnose. The more I clung to my debilitating thoughts, the more I committed to suffering. When I finally let go of the story of my losses, I could feel myself rise like Phoenix from the ashes. I began to have more hours of gratitude and fewer hours of despair during the day. Joy had begun to be a stronger signature of my life story than fear and loss. It’s ironic that I was writing a book about joy as I discovered it more vividly in myself; writing is a journey inward.
Later, I found my voice again on my Facebook site that I rarely visited, and on Twitter; I realized that through all of the loss and illness, joy remained. It sat quietly waiting for me in the lonesome hours, when I realized that I am the last remaining member of my family of origin. Joy burst from my heart with each new person I met or “friended,” and I realized that I am never alone, not with 7 billion people on the earth!

I realized that I had more to say about joy than a book I published in 2012 called African Zen. I wanted others to know that life’s conditions, those sometimes overwhelming challenges, are survivable. Although I have meditated for 20 years, I learned to go within with a deeper consciousness of the joy beneath painful thoughts. Through all the new awarenesses, reawakenings, and comforting places of stillness, I came to love who I really am, my true self. So, I am back from the brink of despair, from my writing hermitage, from my story of loss.
I am joyful, grateful for my life as it is, appreciating peace in the sanctuary of my true self.

You will see evidence of my awareness on my Facebook page at Facebook.com/eleanorhooksphd and at my new author website at http://eleanorhooksphd.com. I have written a new book that will be released early next year. Life is good; it always has been, but finally my body has caught up with my emotions and thoughts. Everything changes.