Lonely and puzzled, a man joined a group to explore improvements in his interpersonal and relationship skills. During one of the group meetings, he described his estranged partner as argumentative, combative, caustic and self-centered. He himself had a history of negative life experiences allowing anger to consume him in the form of an addiction to food. His pronouncements about his partner were artful projections, painful rejections of his own imperfections. One tends to “slap” another with one hand, but two hands are needed for an embrace. Friendship requires two hands.
A beautifully simple Nigerian proverb is “Hold a true friend with both hands.” It seems that true friends must be handled with care, not because they are fragile, but because they are connected to us at the heart. We are more attracted to their innocent core than to their exterior “faults.” We want them to rest comfortably in our consciousness, so we honor them with patience and positivity. We offer affirmation rather than confrontation. We focus on what lies within us as friends moreso than what drives our differences. We are less interested in being right, and more interested in being kind. We are less demanding and more responsive. We are able to embrace our vulnerability without fear of being judged. We open our hearts and instead of feeling exposed, we feel loved.
What lies at our heart center is the sacred love of Spirit, our true nature. When we hold a true friend with both hands we more clearly recognize who we are.