Sometimes we face loss and challenges and disengage from the usual activities in life; we intend to resume those activities when we feel better, but the disconnection gets longer and longer. The problem with the plan is that the conditions always change, even though we may continue to cling to them.
Almost 19 months ago, my daughter passed away. Six weeks before that devastating event, my sister in NJ passed away. Nine months before my sister in NJ passed away, my oldest sister passed away in SC. My body could not keep up with my feelings and thoughts. I retreated from the misalignment and grief; I disappeared into my writing, making brief appearances with friends.
After a few months, I yielded triumphantly to another loss, my hair, and shaved my head completely. My baldness became an unveiling, not a capitulation to the effects of alopecia. I celebrated my true self, regardless of my appearance, but the healing was not complete.
My painful thoughts turned into stress, and my body responded with ailments and perplexing aches that doctors tried to diagnose. The more I clung to my debilitating thoughts, the more I committed to suffering. When I finally let go of the story of my losses, I could feel myself rise like Phoenix from the ashes. I began to have more hours of gratitude and fewer hours of despair during the day. Joy had begun to be a stronger signature of my life story than fear and loss. It’s ironic that I was writing a book about joy as I discovered it more vividly in myself; writing is a journey inward.
Later, I found my voice again on my Facebook site that I rarely visited, and on Twitter; I realized that through all of the loss and illness, joy remained. It sat quietly waiting for me in the lonesome hours, when I realized that I am the last remaining member of my family of origin. Joy burst from my heart with each new person I met or “friended,” and I realized that I am never alone, not with 7 billion people on the earth!

I realized that I had more to say about joy than a book I published in 2012 called African Zen. I wanted others to know that life’s conditions, those sometimes overwhelming challenges, are survivable. Although I have meditated for 20 years, I learned to go within with a deeper consciousness of the joy beneath painful thoughts. Through all the new awarenesses, reawakenings, and comforting places of stillness, I came to love who I really am, my true self. So, I am back from the brink of despair, from my writing hermitage, from my story of loss.
I am joyful, grateful for my life as it is, appreciating peace in the sanctuary of my true self.

You will see evidence of my awareness on my Facebook page at Facebook.com/eleanorhooksphd and at my new author website at http://eleanorhooksphd.com. I have written a new book that will be released early next year. Life is good; it always has been, but finally my body has caught up with my emotions and thoughts. Everything changes.